Feedback on Wednesday’s Breakup

Dear Catalina, you did a good job managing the topic during our meeting yesterday afternoon. You demonstrated a lot of initiative by calling me to share your thoughts. I’d like to mention to you a few areas where you can refine your techniques. Here is some constructive criticism of your performance.

Location: Choosing the parking lot outside of our local Arby’s was a mediocre selection. I know that’s where we went on our first date, but it was an unprofessional environment to discuss personal topics. Given the issue’s sensitivity, I believe you could have done a better job with the venue. Surely you didn’t want to remind me about the time I forgot my wallet, and you had to pay for my double smokehouse brisket order. You didn’t have to do me like that. 3/10.

Scheduling: I wasn’t ready for a formal rendezvous. I did not dress up for the occasion, but somehow, you managed to come dressed like a fancy real estate agent. If you had sent an email agenda of what we were going to discuss in advance, I would have prepared better clothing. You know I’m currently going through a Cher phase; you caught me completely off guard. 2/10

Speed: I got to give this to you; you cut to the chase like a massive corporate lay-off. You sat me down and told me the whole “it’s-not-me, it’s you” routine, and that was efficient. I was out of a relationship before I could spell treachery. 8/10

Reason: We’ve talked about this before, but I think you knocked it out of the park when you said, “I slept with my best friend’s boyfriend” there is no turning back from that, so 10/10.

Aftermath: This was the area where you need the most improvement; you didn’t even look at me after ending things. You stood up and walked away. I was left all alone with not enough ultra-soft Kleenex in my jacket. I received no texts or calls. No feedback forms or follow-ups. 1/10

I think we should get back together and try this one more time. It is my belief that we can improve these scores. Call me ASAP.